Clorox, the Magic Cure
During his April 23rd briefing on the pandemic President Trump said, and I quote, "I see the disinfectant that knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning? As you see, it gets in the lungs, it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that."
So, just to be clear, the President of the United States of America suggested injecting disinfectant into the body to kill the coronavirus. Just in case there's any ambiguity, disinfectants are chemical liquids used to clean toilets, floors, etc., etc. So, yeah, he's thinking Clorox injections might be the magic bullet here.
Dr. Stephen Hahn, commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration, had to go on national TV afterwards to tell people not to inject disinfectants into the body, or ingest them, as they are poisonous. Several other prominent scientists and doctors also came out with similar warnings, as they feared people would take the president's advice and poison themselves with disinfectants thinking they would prevent coronavirus infections, or cure coronavirus infections.
Reckitt Benckiser, makers of Lysol and other disinfectants, immediately released a statement saying, “under no circumstance should our disinfectant products be administered into the human body (through injection, ingestion or any other route).”
I like how their statement includes “or any other route” because anyone dense enough to inject or ingest bleach into their body believing it to be a treatment for coronavirus most definately needs to be warned not to use alternative routes to introduce a disinfectant into the body, such as the ear canal, the nose, or, um, let's see, what other bodily oriface could one use to put disinfectant into one's body? Ah! I just figured it out. Wait. How in the hell would one go about putting bleach into one's rect……um, of course. It's so obvious. A turkey baster.
Many Americans, including many of the president's own supporters, have expressed everything from horror to outrage to astonishment that he would make such a suggestion. But frankly, Sluggo isn't at all surprised Trumpty Dumpty made such an irresponsibly dangerous and ignorant suggestion because that's who he proved himself to be during the 2016 campaign for president, and well before, for that matter. For proof, here's some of Trump's greatest hits.
On more than a dozen occasions Trump has commented on his daughter Ivanka's body (breast size, shape of her butt, etc.). One of his most skin-crawling comments was this one: “She does have a very nice figure. I've said if Ivanka wasn't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her.” And on the Howard Stern Show in 2004 Howard asked if he could call Ivanka a “piece of ass.” Trump's response? “Yeah.” Lemmee see here. I have a daughter, and you want to call her what? On the radio?
In a May 20, 1991 interview with USA Today Trump said, “I have black guys counting my money. … I hate it. The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day.” So, black people shouldn't be trusted with money. And yarmulkes are worn by Jews. So, um, yeah. Everything's kosher here. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, Obama was once quoted saying, “I don't like white people counting my money, unless they're smarmy little kikes.” So, Trump's comments need to be considered in a broader context.
November 6, 2012 tweet: “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive." Well, they did figure out how to get a fortune into a cookie. So, maybe Trump's onto something here.
In Cedar Rapids, Iowa, on the day of the 2016 Iowa caucuses, he told audience members he would pay their legal fees if they engaged in violence against protesters. Just for sheets and giggles, let’s image the outrage if Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama would have said that instead of Trump.
During an April 2019 speech he claimed windmills cause ear cancer. Well, that explains why all my Dutch friends seem to ignore me. That Trump guy is absolutely brilliant, I say!
During the 2019 Christmas holiday he tweeted out that he “is the chosen one.” Now, call me a heretic if you like, but I've always thought Jesus Christ fit the whole “chosen one" ideal. But, you know, maybe this Trump guy is onto something here. After all, he's made it perfectly clear he has the star power to grab women by the crotch without their consent. Star power, born under the Star of David. Same diff.
During the 2016 campaign candidate Trump was asked about the six bankruptcies declared by companies he ran. He responded, “Filing bankruptcy is smart.” And here I thought running a company effectively and efficiently was smart. At least that's what I was taught in business school at USD. So, I guess the new standard of smart in business is to run your companies into the ground and then stick your creditors and taxpayers with the bill. It makes me question whether or not my grandparents ran their family farm smartly. I mean, they never declared bankruptcy, in spite of battling through the Great Depression, WWII and the farm crisis of the early 80's. Sluggo has a lot to learn about business.
During multiple National Security Council briefings President Trump suggested using nuclear bombs to prevent hurricanes from reaching America. His initial light bulb moment, as confirmed by an advisor involved with the briefings (as well as others in these meetings) was, “I got it. I got it. Why don't we nuke them?” This flash of brilliance inspired Sluggo to find a solution to the illegal immigration and drug smuggling problem on our southern border. Here it is: In spite of the fact drug smugglers and human traffickers have long used airplanes, boats, submarines and tunnels to smuggle drugs and people into America, and in spite of the fact most drugs and illegal immigrants cross our southern border using the 48 border crossings operated jointly by the U.S. and Mexico, we should build a massive wall in the desert to stop these airplanes, boats, submarines and tunnels. The wall will also stop all the smuggling that enters through the 48 border crossings, even though a wall can't be built across a border crossing. Now, if we can just find a way to stop Asians and rainbows from reaching America.
There are countless more examples of this idiot demonstrating his immeasurable ignorance. But, hey, Trump in 2020!!!!
Stay safe, distanced, connected, well and don't put bleach into your body, by any route imaginable.
Sluggo