Pandemic Journal No. 28
Virgil Cain is the Name
There's been reports of mountain lions in the area. Perhaps coincidentally the neighbors' dogs seem to be taking very long naps today. Then again, maybe they simply failed to maintain proper social distancing from a wandering big cat.
I like the name Virgil for a mountain lion.
Ahh, Sweet Freedom
While many Americans have been protesting stay-at-home orders/recommendations, I feel they've been quite liberating.
I normally avoid eating my favorite breakfast cereal because it gives me terrible gas. Frankly, I pass gas all day when I eat it, and very loudly. (I can't run from that truth.) My co-workers don't really appreciate that cereal, particularly when it's on sale. The same happens with Mexican food, which is my favorite, and beans, which I could eat for every meal. But, now that I don't go to work, I get to eat my favorite foods every day without consequence. I'm tearin’ up the air in our house, but it sure is liberating.
My family's been desensitized to this for years: they don't even notice.
Since the start of the pandemic, I've also been free of a major pet peeve of mine: people in front of me who buy ten items at the grocery store, but use a dozen coupons, four of which are expired and another two that are for a free tire rotation and a roll of baling twine. Then they ask for three rain checks for out-of-stock sale items, and a price check on another sale item. And when all of that's over, they write a check and record it in the register while standing there, but after giving the check to the cashier. And for some reason these people never know the date, or the amount of cents they have to record. “Let's see, that was twelve dollars and, um. Oh, what was the amount on that check again? Thank you. Oh, what date did I write on the check? Is that a two or a seven? A two? Okay, then I wrote the 24th.” (What's going through my head at this point: “Two or seven? Did you think today could have possibly been the 74th of June?”)
The cashier has to pull the check out to show the person all this information because these folks hate carbon checks as much as they do check cards and credit cards.
Not everyone defines freedom with the same metrics. Case in point, the folks in the next segment.
Fouling the Air
These folks are at a rally protesting not only their governor's stay-at-home orders, but also the legitimacy of the virus itself. And yet, they're wearing face masks to protect from a virus they either don't believe to be much of a threat, or one that is a hoax perpetuated by Trump's critics.
The guy in the below picture is not actually soldier. He's just a guy dressed in camo and a helmet with a flag on his face to protect from the coronavirus. He's at a protest in New Hampshire where they are also claiming the virus isn't much of a threat, or that it's an anti-Trump hoax.
I got news for these folks. Those masks will offer no protection whatsoever if they spend a few minutes in my home.
War Zero
During WWII Americans on the West Coast were told to follow blackout orders, as it was feared the Japanese might bomb these areas at night. The threat of Japan bombing America's West Coast was small, as Japan is about 5,400 miles from the West Coast. Japan had territories in the Pacific Ocean that could shorten that distance, but not significantly. Still, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. Thus, the blackout orders.
Now, imagine if President Roosevelt had told Americans on the West Coast to “liberate" themselves by ignoring the blackout orders. He might have gotten on the radio and said, “The odds of a Japanese attack are quite low. Ignore the blackout orders. Have a party or a bonfire on the beach. Turn all the lights on in your homes. LIBERATE YOURSELVES! The only thing you have to fear is darkness itself.”
President Trump has described himself as a wartime president in the face of the coronavirus pandemic. If that's the case, then the virus is the enemy. So, what kind of wartime president goads his supporters to violate their states' stay-at-home orders, effectively telling them to ignore the safeguards put in place to protect them from the enemy? To quote an Associated Press story, ‘A day after laying out a roadmap for gradually reviving economic activity, President Donald Trump urged his supporters to “LIBERATE” three states led by Democratic governors Friday, in effect encouraging protests against the stay-at-home restrictions aimed at containing the coronavirus.’
Think about that. One day he wisely advocates for a gradual opening of economic activity, like leaving the house to shop or go to a restaurant; the very next day he incites people in three states to ignore those plans and immediately resume such activities.
The risk of getting the coronovirus is not great, but that changes drastically when people ignore the proven measures designed to stop the spread of the virus.
There are war heroes, and then there are war zeroes.
Angry Dead Birds
The kids and I didn't aim to kill anything while playing tennis today. Likewise, the small bird reduced to a scatter of colorful feathers probably hadn't expected to end its day so ignobly. Yet, there were the feathers near the tennis ball one of us (the kids) launched over the pine trees next to the tennis court.
Though it was obviously a fresh kill, and the body was still warm, the crime scene evidence left open the possibility human intervention was not the cause of death.
Rumors of the deceased having engaged in dangerous hawk-taunting behavior have not been substantiated at this point, though something pooped near it.
Tomorrow it's ping-pong.
Interview with Bernie, Part III
SM: Your trip to the Soviet Union is another element your critics seize on to label you a socialist, and in some cases even a communist. How do you convince voters you're not a fan of Soviet-style government?
BS: If I may, Sluggo. That trip was an official delegation of representatives from the city of Burlington, Vermont, where I was mayor at the time. We were establishing a sister-city relationship with the Russian city of Yaroslavl. Nice people. You wouldn't believe the potholes. Very ugly sister. Anyway, my wife was an official member of that delegation. We actually honeymooned in the Caribbean soon after that trip. Very nice. We enjoyed many piña coladas. So, as far as the Soviet Union is concerned, it was an evil empire just as President Reagan said it was. And it's economics were disastrous. It's one of the reasons we won the Cold War. So, no, I am not a fan of Soviet-style government.
SM: Were there lessons learned on your trip?
BS: Let me say this. My trip to the Soviet Union did teach me a lesson in toughness. One evening in the hotel's restaurant I ordered a Moscow Mule - vodka, ginger beer and lime juice. It's very refreshing after a long day of touring borscht factories. Anyway, what did they bring me? A piece of mule they called a steak. Do not order a Moscow Mule in Russia, Sluggo. That slab of mule was so tough I was still chewing the first bite when I became Senator from Vermont twenty years later. So, that's the kind of toughness I will bring to the office of President of the United States. And not only that, but chewing on that piece of mule for twenty years taught me how truly awful Soviet-style government is. How hard is it to serve a decent steak? Huh? I ask you.
SM: That's a mighty long time to chew on one piece of steak.
BS: It wasn't steak. It was mule. Have you ever heard of a mule sirloin, Sluggo? Of course not. But I gnawed on that piece of mule for twenty years, Sluggo, because I never give up. And that's exactly what I'll bring to the White House.
SM: Whatever became of that piece of, um, mule?
BS: I sold it to the people at Axe Body Spray for $1.2 million. Apparently it's an environmentally sound alternative to ambergris.
SM: I think I'll remain fragrance free. So, other than human ambergris, what can you tell us about your plans for the environment?
BS: And one more thing. When traveling in Russia, under no circumstances call room service and order a White Russian. Let's just say his name was Igor. Enough said, except to say I immediately sent him back.
Stay safe, distanced, connected and well.
Sluggo